Justin's page

R.I.P. Sinai

Mon, 05 Mar 2007 00:08:52 GMT

Our cat Sinai was hit by a car today while we were out. May he rest in peace. I've never met a cat similar to him. He was beautiful. He was the perfect balance of love, play, and unmatched patience. I'll love you forever Sinai. Goodbye kitty kitty.

Life continues on

Wed, 28 Feb 2007 05:00:07 GMT

Well hello everyone. How're you?

I've been good. Things are going pretty good, right now it seems like I'm starting to know where I'm going. Things around the house are slowly starting to come around and this house is starting to feel like a home now, haha, only took 10 months.

I've been working on getting in shape, Monica is as well. This time we're really serious. We've been doing good going on walks, and the past three days in a row I've gone for short foothill hikes. It's been hard finding time to bike seeing as how most of my excercise happens at night and I don't feel comfortable biking at night yet. I did go running twice last week though, the second time I did much better than the first. I also rigged a free standing type pull-up bar in the backyard using the tree, a lot of rope, a metal pipe, and some blue electrical tape. The number of pull-ups I can do doubled in a week from 3 to 6, and this morning I did 8. I've also been weight-lifting at least two to three times a week. So far I'm on week two, two and a half maybe? But in the last week and a half I've been eating real good too. I've cut out a lot of sweets at work and desert style thingies here at home(with the exception of a little cookies and cream ice cream last night).

Monica and Navarre will be leaving for Belize in three months. That's really exciting, they're going to the country with the highest concentration of jaguars in all of the americas!

I can't wait for summer to get here. I am looking forward to going back to Cochiti, and hopefully White Sands. I also want to get at least one good camping trip on the mountain too.

Oh, and Harley's getting stronger back legs and has been hiking a little bit with me, Chevy's losing weight, Saini's well . . . Saini, Kaa's gettin big, Gremlin's as michevious as ever, Spike is gaining more muscle mass and is getting better and starting to enjoy playing again, and Diesel is perfect as always.

ok, try it again

Fri, 14 Jul 2006 08:00:08 GMT

Well, I tried to post it a while ago but it didn't take.

This last weekend was, in the words of the immortal surfer spirit, totally tubeular dude! Hit the town with bohnhoff and had a good ole time. We cruised downtown, attended a churchy gig, had sushi (first time for me and I loved it), went bowlin, hit up an archery range, and went for a hike over to where that glowy metal yucca thing is that you see coming into the city from tijeras. A totally awesome weekend.

I was told today that I get to work monday evening from 5-9pm, but I will get to go home early either tomorrow or saturday, hopefully sat, I would rather my weekend be together, not sectioned off. oh boy, gotta run Harley's cornered something!

I gotta type this out or I'm gonna blow

Sun, 25 Jun 2006 20:00:11 GMT

I don't know why I go to church. There's no point for me, no comfort and rest in the promise of the lord through his son Jesus Christ for me. It tears me apart that I am to rot in hell because I can't change the way I was born. I used to wish every night that I could live a normal life and change myself. but I can't, tried and failed. I will never be able to be anything other than what HE made me. I want to be accepted as a normal part of society soooo bad. But, there will always be those who call me a sinner, scorn me, and sometimes even would like to kill me just because of who I am. I could hide it and just live a bachelor forever, but if that is the way it is to be than I might as well just die tonight in my sleep because that's not a life worth living, to not love and be loved. One of the greatest tools Gott gave us is love. I refuse to ignore it. A life without love is not worth living, doesn't matter how much money I make or how long I live.

I went to a new church experience today and I don't think it was for me. It was fun, musical, and everyone there was very nice, but I know in my heart that they would all change there attitudes immediately if they knew who I really was. I've made a lot of knew friends lately, but . . . I don't know. I may not fit in in the long run. I like em a lot, but who knows. There is a lot of preaching about being nice to everyone, finding compassion, and helping out, but I think most of the time that only is directed to people who walk, talk, and act like the people who are preaching. It's so hard for me to understand that there are some people in the world who are many miles away and that I will never meet who will hate me till the day they die.

I'm already starting to miss Jennie, she is one who knows me better that anyone. she got to know me by listening and asking questions, not because she had to pass a test on me to get to some other level of accomplishmet. nope, she did it because she wanted to, and she loves me. She is one of the best people I have ever known in my life. She's left an impact on my life. I can only hope that someday I can make as much of a difference to someone as she has to me. I sure hope she has a good time away with her guy, she deserves it. man, they're cute together. I can't wait to meet him.

"Please hold her
and protect her
Till she's back here in my arms again,
Oh, and tell her, that I love her
and I'll be waiting right here forever,
amen."

it's just like that song by lonestar jennie, you ARE already here. the wind in my hair. I was feeling like snot after this church thing today knowing that I could never fit in with that crowd, but as soon as I thought of you it's like it all started to melt away and I could feel you like you were here, my own angel on earth. You don't have to worry about me, all that you have to worry about is the precious little time you've got left to spend with Mike. so you have fun!

haha

Mon, 12 Jun 2006 19:57:36 GMT

whoo hoo, I finally got my calvin pic! I've been looking so long!

Thu, 13 Apr 2006 17:33:05 GMT

Alfred North Whitehead:
Religion is what an individual does with his solitariness.

Han Suyin [Elizabeth Comber]:
...love from one being to another can only be that two solitudes come nearer, recognize and protect and comfort each other.

b. 1917 Chinese writer and physician

Emily Dickinson:
My life closed twice before its close;
It yet remains to see
If Immortality unveil
A third event to me,
So huge, so hopeless to conceive,
As these that twice befell.
Parting is all we know of heaven,
And all we need of hell.

Winston Churchill:
If you're going through hell, keep going.

Albert Einstein:
Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value.

Albert Einstein:
Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.

alrighty

Sun, 02 Apr 2006 08:15:13 GMT

People, it seems to me that Ryan has some information that we don't, I think that we may be in harms way from bands of desert mauraders. I suggest to protect ourselves from cell-phone, radiowave listener peoples we use code names for this trip. Jennie and I have put some reckonin into this and she will be known as Calamity Jane and I will be Paul Bunyan. We picked these names for each other. so have fun with it, the only rule is that you can't pick your own name.

I am so excited.

I LIVE!!!!

Mon, 20 Feb 2006 19:33:24 GMT

The livejournal community is back in action. hahaha

oh man this is a pretty cool thing that matt and jess have created. I need to be calling mucho people I haven't talked to in a while.

Also, I need a house! the search continues. Our prey is elusive and tricky, but we will not call off the hunt!

~Justin H.

here's something to remember

Thu, 14 Oct 2004 06:47:48 GMT

THE ULTIMATE SILENCE
October 12, 1998

Six years ago today, Matthew Shepard was murdered for being homosexual.

What will you do to end the silence?

Click here to post this on your own page or weblog

Man, this all blew to hell in the span of one day.

Wed, 13 Oct 2004 20:50:27 GMT

I found out about this conflict at 12:30 last night, maybe I wish I hadn't. Well, I guess I'm gonna go over to Monica and Eric's place after this and see if I can talk to Monica some, or at least let the puppy out if she's not there. I don't really know what to do, right now I've almost talked to all parties associated in this. I have no idea why I am talking like a professor right there, I guess it was just the easiest way to say it. Anyway I just think that this all came out of left feild. I have no idea how the hell this all jumped up, I don't really think it affects our lives anymore, but apparently I am wrong. Alrighty, well I've got to go now cause I might be late for band. We're staying inside, and that's dumb.

yawn

Sat, 09 Oct 2004 19:25:07 GMT

well, today I decided that I wasn't going to pageant when i woke up at 8:10, I just went back to sleep and now I'm going to have a semi-day off. Oh well, they won't be missing me anyway, I haven't been to one of their rehearsals since band camp so I prolly couldn't help em anyway, I'll see em on friday. Now I can take spike out, clean some more of my room, do laundry, make myself some food, and see where I end up after all that.

Yay!

Sat, 09 Oct 2004 05:41:57 GMT

He e-mailed me back! now I can relax cause my first e-mail didn't scare him off, and I can rest assured that I got the e-mail address right and crap like that. Well, I can't wait to get to know him better and find out if we might work together or not. Never did get around to stopping by shley's place. too bad for that. Well, I need to get some sleep for tomorrow.

yay for free time!

Fri, 08 Oct 2004 18:50:10 GMT

Well tonight I got some free time where I will be prolly hanging out at Eric and Monica's place. Tomorrow shall be some fun in the sun at pageant. I didn't think I was going to be doing this, but I guess I will be now. hehehe, right now I am just practicing typing faster than I normallly do so I am just talking nothing for the minute so that I can get this working, ok, i'm done with that now. I keep checking my e-mail at every chance I can get. I am getting all gittery waiting for this guy to e-mail me back. aww, now I want to see the puppy. Actually I want to see both puppies, maybe I'll give Shley a call and drop by her place and see suulee (sp?). She wasn't around today so I guess she's sick or had an appointment, or some other obligation. Damn I'm nervous!! . . . *sigh* gotta be patient, he's prolly just as busy as I am. plus I e-mailed him at like 1 last night. oh well, it's time to go to a damn sectional in a while. E-mail me PLEASE!!!! . . . gods I'm pathetic.

oi

Tue, 05 Oct 2004 05:06:05 GMT

I am so tired of being alone. I am tired of looking through the crowd at the pretty faces. It gets depressing, always has ad since the rules are different for me I got to be different. So, I have started trying to reach out. I have made profiles at about four different online dating sites. Most of my searches turn up nothing, but this last one has a few options. one guy looks promising, I want to know more about him, but it's tough to get in contact using this site. I wish I could get a picture of myself online. that would help. It looks like I'll have to pay to be able to contact him, oh well, as long as it's not a fortune it will be worth it if it stands a chance of ending my lonliness.

My 2nd cousin Travis is going to Iraq in January. If I cared more about him I'd prolly be sad, but actually compared to the rest of the things he's done in his life I'm a little proud of him. It's just another one of my family going to another war. I feel a little guilty staying here, but it's not much for me.

To all my friends, you're awesome! rock on, love you all.

nice

Wed, 29 Sep 2004 04:02:42 GMT

Well, it's ok. I've spent a lot of my spare time at Eric and Monica's since thursday. I think it's awesome. I don't care if we're the only three people in the whole city who didn't know the area is called the warzone, it's still awesome. Axle is the coolest little thing ever, last night she fell asleep on my chest while I was reading the doggie book, and it was the most precious thing ever. Her housetraining is coming along, from what I hear she just needs to work on making it through the night, and signaling when she needs to go. And the living room was starting to appear last night!!! heh, it's exciting. Monica made a wonderful dinner for us last night, hehehe, good thing I like cheese, lol. it was awesome, we had only a section of the couch cleared out so we were all lounging with our feet mingling in one vertex point if you will. kinda like the other night when we ate all lounged up and down the stairs. I think it's those times when that place feels really homey. good times, good times. i feel like we're in some country song . . .

"there might be a little dust on the bottle, but it's one of those things that gets sweeter with time. Yeah, there might be a liitle dust on the bottle, but don't let it fool you about what's inside."

My parents ask me why I keep going over there and helping them out here or there when they already have all their stuff moved in. I do it because I love hanging out with em, they're my bestest friends ever, and we are able to get along ,which is something some people are completely incapable of so I treasure it.

A young couple, moving into their first house of their own, raising their first dog, each holding their own job, and by god, they are standing on their own, and they're standing proud. Now that's what I call making it in "real life", and that's cool. I am happy for them.

Now I need to eat and get to that four page paper due tomorrow which I have been holding off on oh so well, hahaha. catch y'all later.

~"It was a 70's model el camino and it's color was primer."

"How the hell . . . oh nevermind."~

hehehehe

doobie doobie doo

Mon, 20 Sep 2004 06:06:32 GMT

::flashback to old penquin commercials, creepy::

Well, new day tomorrow. Some time this week I just HAVE to stop on by and see Monica and Eric's puppy, it's like essential or something.

The new people at work are awesome, they're working very good, which makes it so much easier. The new girls are finally becoming comfortable with the job and they're doing wonderful, and they're not bitches which makes it just that much better. Today we had a first-timer, by the end of the day we decided he's hired, which is good cause it helps boost the number of other male coworkers up to about three. He's real nice and fairly good looking, but he's 15 and this is his first job, looks kinda like another pothead, hope he proves me wrong. heh, but he's doing great and that's why it only took one day to decide to keep him.

Tomorrow is yet another day of school, and I hope a better marching rehearsal. Also payday, so that's a plus. I hope I get my bonus tomorrow so I can go get some new tires this weekend.

Right now, it's spiritual time. Time to sign off, turn off the tv, computer, and lights, light a candle, light inscense with the candle, bring out THE feather and any other respective objects. Turn on the music to the soul, and pay repect, homage, and friendship with the spirits I associate with.

reflect. renew. relieve. respect.

whoah, just slow the hell down

Sat, 18 Sep 2004 06:31:31 GMT

First off, I'd like to say thanks to all my wonderful friends for your support. It means a lot, more than most anything else that's happened in my life.

Today is the one year anniversary of my grandmother's death.

My father stole my mother's exhibition today because we wouldn't give him his keys to his vehicle. We didn't know he knew where to find my mother's keys. He is out still, and god knows what he'll do. If he hits someone or gets a dui we're screwed cause they're supposed to sign the divorce papers this week and even after that they won't come into effect for like 30-45 days or something. So thank's to this shit we could lose everything real quick. I'm starting to get used to that thought.

Marching band was shit; see eric's deadjournal.

It turns out one of my little cousins who is my brother's age is going through what I am, only not on his own terms, and from the impression I get, without the support I have. Apparently his mom found some magazines and photo's of gay porn. She asked him if he was gay, but he denies it. My aunt talked to my other aunt about it and no one else is supposed to know, but of course, news like that travels fast. I don't think his father knows yet, which is a good thing I'm sure. Right now everyone is whispering about it and people like my brother and cousin, who have hated him for a while, have been saying "I knew it!" . . . yeah, wonderful. We used to treat him like crap. It is said that he is also getting into pot. Right now I'm feeling really bad for him. I want to call up and see if he's got an e-mail address so I can start talking to him, since I can expect no one else in the family to show any acceptance. Only if I call and get my aunt first and ask to talk to chad she'll think it's suspicious seeing as how I haven't talked to him an such a long time, and there's all this crap going on in our own side of the family. I just don't want to get my other aunt(who is my favorite) in trouble. But I guess that's trivial and I'll prolly end up calling anyway. I'm just really sure he could prolly use someone to talk to, someone who'll be on his side for once. And if he's not too far gone and willing to talk I might be able to get him off pot as well. And he didn't used to be a bad kid, he used to look up to all of us like all hell, and we turned him away. He was always very booksmart and could prolly get a lot of academic shcolarships and go to college when he's done with high school, if he doesn't falter. jeez, by the end of this one I might have to be out to my family too, this is crazy, but I can't just ignore him. I'm the only one in the family who understands how he prolly feels. I don't think i can let him stand alone. . . .this is all of course pending on if he wants to talk, or get to know each other again at all.

well, isn't everyone having fun

Thu, 09 Sep 2004 04:39:29 GMT

. . . if we can all make it past this stage I think I will be very happy. Right now I am lonley and depressed and I just want to say certain things. First of all I want to give Ashley all my best for tomorrow, I am sitting here crossing my fingers and diving into faith to help this go over. It makes me nervous, everytime we talk about this kinda thing I just kinda keep a light voice and smile a little, and thats just cause I'm not sure what to do and I guess I'm still in a kind of denial of the possible outcomes. Because Ashley can't leave, there's just no way . . . she's too important and there's still so much to do, but mostly, too many people love her and we need her here.

*sigh* this is just insane

Also, I feel really bad for Monica and Eric. Luca was the best little critter ever, and he ha such an expresionate soul. I remember when I first met him and played around with him on that movie night. Luca had an attitude about him, but he was neither mean or snobby. Luca had a confident attitude about him and he was always bright and curious, and his level of intelligence was sometimes a little eerie. I thought he was the most awesome pet for Monica and Eric. That news was sudden and tragic. I'm not comprehending all this right now, I just feel numb.

. . . it's like we're being punished.

hahahaha

Thu, 09 Sep 2004 04:16:27 GMT

My lj wedding by chynafox
username
age
city
you will marry	icemusic
flower girl	fadingmemory
best man	foxypices13
bridesmaid	nairaithironaxe
you will have your last fling with	fadingmemory
registrar	nairaithironaxe
secretly wants to marry you themself	icemusic
date of the wedding	December 13, 2034
number of times you do it on your wedding night	6

Quiz created with MemeGen!

"Some folks even see a bear in me . . ."

Sun, 05 Sep 2004 06:48:10 GMT

This is just a collection of ome stuff from different sites that I have peiced together. This is a part of what the bear means to me, and how I've come to know myself as an individual in this world. This is the stuff that keeps me going through crap. This is not a gossip entry or a how was my day entry. This is part of my beliefs. Casual reader be warned.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There are several types of bear including the Grizzly, Brown, Black, Kodiak and Polar. Unlike other animals who are active during a specific time of day, the bear is active both day and night. This symbolizes its connection with solar energy, that of strength and power, and lunar energy, that of intuition. It enhances and teaches those with this totem how to develop both within themselves.

In some traditions bear is the spirit keeper of the West. The place of maturity and good harvest. The gifts that bear offers to those with this totem are strength, introspection and knowledge.

Many years ago while hiking in the woods I was surprised to meet a black bear face to face. As it stood before me the power that the bear held intimidated me. Fears surfaced and I was sure I was going to die. I rose my arms high over my head appearing larger than I was. Because I created an illusion of size and strength my life was spared. The bear watched, dropped down onto all four legs and slowly moved away. Bear taught me the importance of appearance by gathering my inner strength and presenting it outwardly

During the winter bears spend several months sleeping in dens without eating, a condition that resembles hibernation. The more fat their bodies have stored up the deeper the sleep. Bears live on this fat throughout the winter. It teaches us how to go within and find the resources necessary for our personal survival

The bear hibernates and goes within. Bear energy is the energy that seeks your deepest truths. And with the finding of your truth comes the honey of life – the sweetness that comes with knowing who you truly are. Bear energy helps you to go within and touch the great void where creation and you come from. By entering silence we give ourselves the opportunity to return to the world stronger and wiser. Bear energy is also about taking the courage that to stop thinking is not to die because we are so much more than our thoughts. So take a break, go within yourself and introspect. From the true place of bear we can see that life is like a dream to us and that our deeper self is not so tied with earthly concerns.

To have with you the symbol of bear is to state your intention to travel within and connect with the places where intuition and "knowing without thinking" are the rulers. Some activities that can help support this connection are meditation, dreaming, long walks by yourself and switching off the television.

Strength in the face of adversity
Finding one's way back
Solitude
Maternal protection
Focus on the practical side of life

ai ya

Sat, 04 Sep 2004 05:55:44 GMT

So today was one heck of a day. The game was pretty good. The whole performing on camera, and pregame and stuff was awesome, but as a whole I think I had more fun in high school games. I liked the smaller crowds and stuff. The more relaxed feeling, bus rides, and lots of pals. oh well, it's still kinda fun, and I'll prolly get used to it. One things for sure, I'm going to Eldorado's game on friday.

Also, I'd like to go to the fair. I might go tomorrow at some point, or whenever. And I'm gonna go to see shrek 2 in the sub building at 7:30 on wed.

oh boy, hot pockets and canned peaches, yum yum. To bad I don't have the cash to go to Applebee's.

With the way my life has been this song suddenly appeals to me more than ever. I just realized it when I heard it on the rado coming home from the game.

Desperado: The Eagles

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses,
You've been out ridin fences for so long now,
Oh and you're a hard one, but I know that you've got your reasons,
The things that are pleasin' you can hurt you somehow.

Don't you draw the Queen of Diamonds boy, she'll beat you if she's able.
You know the Queen of Hearts is always your best bet.
Now it seems to me some fine things have been laid upon your table,
But you only want the ones you can't get.

Desperado, you ain't gettin no younger,
Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin you home,
And freedom, oh freedom, well that's just some people talkin.
Your prison is walking through this world all alone.

Don't your feet get cold in the wintertime,
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine,
It's hard to tell the nighttime from the day.
And you're losin all your highs and lows,
Ain't it funny how the feelin goes away?

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses,
Come down from your fences- open the gates.
It may be rainin, but there's a rainbow above you.
You'd better let somebody love you,
LET SOMEBODY LOVE YOU.
You'd better let somebody love you,
before it's too late.

"I wouldn't trade ole Leroy or my Chevrolet for your Escalade or your freak parade . . . "

Sat, 28 Aug 2004 22:36:26 GMT

Well, today started out fun fun, I had plans that would last me all day. Then it started going down, Treaster couldn't do anything all of a sudden. Jeff went golfing, and now I have to go up to my grandpa's house for another fun fun family get together after my little performance. *sigh*, also I have to work tomorrow, then the school week starts up again and more work. So, the marchathon was the only good thing to happen to me all weekend cause I got to hang out with Sanks for a while, Snowden for a while, Jennie, Jeff and Treaster for a little while at least, heck I even got to talk to Treaster's gf for a little while, she's pretty cool. I just can't take much more of this crap day after day. For once I would just like something to come together as I plan it. And to top it all off my dad has gone missing once again.

"I'm the only John Wayne left in this town . . ."

For once I knew the answers to all the Eldorado kid's questions, I was actually getting something done at some points.

I've noticed that I only seem to get depressed and feel like breaking when I am alone. I gather strength off of other people. I used to be the shyest kid in school and now I need other people to keep going. But I'm not breaking yet . . . not yet.

gah!

Sat, 28 Aug 2004 03:01:40 GMT

oh well, just how I wanted to spend my friday afternoon. Come home and clean up some dried blood in the sink and shower, then I get to sit around and watch my dad. And today was such a piss poor day anyway, wonderful.

My mom tells me that if I have plans to go out I should just go, but lucky me doesn't have anywhere to go right now. Well, I could think of a few things to do by myself, but they require money, which I am putting a hold on for the time being.

At least I have a day planned tomorrow doing what I ENJOY DOING, and I get a free meal and shirt so that's cool.

For now I get to sit around and ponder what the future will bring.

Of all the people out there that I know, right now I feel like going somewhere with Bohnhoff, hanging out with Treaster, and talking to Carlos, in opposite order . . . how weird is that. . .

whoah . . . just whoah

Sun, 22 Aug 2004 04:23:51 GMT

Well, this has been quite the week. Band camp was hell, but it was fun too. over 12 hours of being up and active everyday, sure am glad it's slowing down now. Our section is really cool: Antonio, the section leader, a.k.a. the man. Amber, the pretty party girl who is cool, but really dirty . . . dated just about everyone. Brad, the nut, who is really funny and seems to be one of those "good at everything" kind of guy. Niya, the little native american reclusive guy who will stare you down in a heartbeat, but don't let that fool you, he's a fun guy in his own ways. And Patricia, the smart, funny, and pretty girl who seems really good hearted and innocent. With a section like that I should never be bored. Well, tomorrow is our performance and it should go alright. Right now I am so sore. if I stop moving around my legs get really hard to move and my shoulders get really jittery.

Went to my first college party last night, hell, I went to my first party last night!! Jordan, one of the tuba players handed out a bunch of invites to a party at his place and Eric and I actually got invited. It was basically a play a bunch of music and see how much you can drink party. It wasn't too great untill people started getting drunk, then it was hilarious. Weller is a funny guy when he's in the middle of a group of people and some music is going. Same goes for Chris Parchert. Anyway it was funny as hell, and I had a good time, even though I was tired as hell afterward. well, I'm off now, adios amigos

owie

Sat, 14 Aug 2004 20:18:37 GMT

my muscles hurt. Not only did I work out yesterday, but I just got done hauling two and a half truckloads of huge landscaping bricks for my neighbors. But I made 50 bucks in about an hour and a half of work, it's awesome! . . . so . . . if there's no game tonight we should all get together and do something. maybe you guys could come over to my place and we could watch some movies and have dinner, I'll buy it. not really an actual movie night or anything maybe only one or two movies, then everyone can go home and sleep in their own beds. Call me! or actually I'll prolly call you.